Questions to the Mothers of Saints

Mary TeckYear of the Pilgrim

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss day. Here at the Well-Read Mom blog, we want to take the month of October to honor and acknowledge all mothers and families that have mourned the loss of a child with beautiful posts written by our members.

This week we have a reflection, “Questions to the Mother’s of Saints” by Margaret Pauwels, found originally in the ‘Year of the Mother’ Journal.

When are you having children? How many children do you have? Aren’t you about ready for another one? Are you having any more? Are you done? Why do you want more? Are you trying for a girl this time? Why do you need another one? Why can’t you be happy with the children you have? Don’t you think you are a little too old to keep trying? Do you think maybe the miscarriages are God’s way of telling you have enough? Don’t you know everything happens for a reason? Why would the next time be any different? Why don’t you just adopt? Why do you need more children why you already have three? Why would this pregnancy be different?Why would you expect to carry to term? Did you try reading this book? Did you take this supplement? Why don’t you just drink this tea? Did you try a children’s aspirin every day? What about seeing a fertility specialist? Why don’t you go to another city and see a new doctor? Do you know any pregnancy at your age is high risk? Do you really think it is good for your marriage to keep miscarrying like this? Aren’t you ready to just stop and be happy with what you have? Why would you want to go through this again? Do you really think it is good for your health to keep miscarrying? What is wrong with you? Did you do all the tests? Are you charting the right way How long is your luteal phase? Did you have a full thermal shift? Is your progesterone high enough? Why aren’t you supplementing early in the pregnancy? Why didn’t you come to see us earlier? Don’t you know there is nothing we can do for you this early? Why don’t you come to the doctor’s office every two days to monitor your hormone and HCG levels as you miscarry? Don’t you know the hospital can take care of the body and you can come to a service a few months from now? Don’t you know most people just let the hospital handle the body this early? Don’t you know you don’t have to have a funeral? Don’t you know we can cremate and bury it for you? Why do you want to make more work for yourself? What do you want to do with the body? What casket would you like? What do you want said at the service? Who are you going to invite? How do you tell your family and friends you have given birth to another saint? How do you deal with the misplaced cliches and pity? How do you explain the value of life is not dependent on lifespan? How do you explain how thankful you are that God created a soul through you? How do you love a saint when you wanted a baby?